Comfortable being uncomfortable

I have had a revelation. 

This is never going to be easy.

I'm not used to that.  I'm used to sailing.  Smoothly. 

And now I know those days are over, for the time being anyway.

But I also realize I'm never going to get anywhere in this game without really and truly pushing myself, and dealing with the resulting uncomfortableness that entails.  And the self-doubt and frustration and anger and the urge to drink and smoke heavily.  Especially that urge.

This process is inevitably going to entail struggle.  I'm learning slowly and begrudgingly that it's a righteous struggle that will pay off in proportionate dividends.  Otherwise nobody would ever put themselves through this rollercoaster.

Fallen behind

My worst fears have come true: I've fallen behind.

This is officially not fun anymore.

After a close, dear friend's death in May and then spending a good week getting over illness, I have fallen behind.  If it weren't for my instructor's patience and understanding, I would be in jeopardy of failing rather than falling behind. 

Harsh words have been spoken.  Tears have been shed.  It has not been pretty.

Every bit of momentum I had has been sucked out of my sails. 

But I'm still in it.  I will get through this if I have to claw and scrape my way through.    

The greatest accomplishment

is not in never falling, but in rising again after you fall.

- Vince Lombardi

Faith

is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.

- Martin Luther King, Jr.

This is how I feel learning theory.   

One way to keep momentum going

is to have constantly greater goals.

- Michael Korda

I was an accomplice

in my own frustration.

- Peter Shaffer

I find frustration to be my greatest enemy as a student.  You gotta know when to walk away.  Don't let those homonyms and mandatories get the best of ya.

My secret is

practice.

- David Beckham

(I thought it was being totally hot.)

Assembly

I attended my first awards assembly for the winter quarter last week.  It reminded me of a pep rally a little bit.  One lady I went to class with last quarter received an award for completing TEN tests in one quarter!  Impressive and inspiring.

Our director also unveiled the new, redesigned school program.  If I wasn't at the beginning of my theory and was more along in the program, I'd probably be more than a little irritated about switchin things up midway.  We do get two weeks between breaks (likely a mixed blessing), and we finally get a real half hour for lunch instead of twenty measly minutes.  No complaints there.

And I have to hand it to our staff for finding and showing a court reporter funny on youtube.  It's worth the bad quality.

Dear Brain

You can shut up now, and let the fingers do the work for you.  The fingers are in charge now, dear brain.  Follow them, trust them.  Let the memory of their muscles guide you.  Yes brain, the fingers are not always right, but that's okay, because neither are you.  The fingers know what to do, and they can even fix their own mistakes, if you just practice.  Congratulations brain, you can take a few months off from school and let the ears and fingers take over.   You're not needed right now, and frankly you tend to get in the way.

A person who never made a mistake

never tried anything new.

Albert Einstein

The first day of the rest of your life

What an exciting week!!  I wasn't sure how I would take to learning the actual theory and method of stenography but I am pickin it up so far!  I know I have a long way to go, but the initial getting-to-know-your-writer period is over and I can say with a sigh of relief that I think I picked the right career move for the foreseeable future!  Whew!

I put quite a bit of thinkin into this possible career path before I committed the second half of my financial aid to a venture that is, ultimately, a bit of a gamble, but so far a sound one.  Can't live life without takin risks.

So what has been a fantasy is now becoming real.  Exciting and a bit scary at the same time!  But I really like my instructor and the support staff at school which is comforting and reassuring.

Monday really did feel like the first day of the rest of my life.  A warm fuzzy feeling.