I have had a revelation. This is never going to be easy.
I'm not used to that. I'm used to sailing. Smoothly.
And now I know those days are over, for the time being anyway.
But I also realize I'm never going to get anywhere in this game without really and truly pushing myself, and dealing with the resulting uncomfortableness that entails. And the self-doubt and frustration and anger and the urge to drink and smoke heavily. Especially that urge.
This process is inevitably going to entail struggle. I'm learning slowly and begrudgingly that it's a righteous struggle that will pay off in proportionate dividends. Otherwise nobody would ever put themselves through this rollercoaster.
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